I am working up the courage...

...to try online dating but I feel uncomfortable even typing about it. I tried it for one month before and I wasn't successful. I met this nice young man but I have my stupid hang ups (he was 4 years younger and he was only 1-2 inches taller than I am, I know I'm so ...arrrgghh). Maybe it really wasn't meant to be because my phone got fried and I have to get another phone number, lost everyone's number.

But oh my goodness, I don't know what's out there. Part of me does not like the pressure of it. They say " It's just a date (if I can score a date) and it's not like you're marrying this person." That's the thing you see. I just hate the pressure of will-he-like-me, will I make a oaf of myself? As you can see, I am not a well-seasoned and not a serial dater. I'm clueless. My my last sand castle of a relationship has crumbled and been washed out to sea...

Why can't I just meet (single) men without the pressure of an online dating site? Where I don't have to extract some forced pleasantness because I know I can be comfortably personable. And when I am more comfortable, my random and far between sense of humor pops up? Shoot but how? I have to brainstorm this with another friend. Hmmm...yeah , you know. I'll hold off on signing up on these online dating sites for now.

Some say dating is fun? Is it? I have a hard time in new circles let alone on an even tighter and potentially romantic circle. I take a while to warm up. At work, I have a reason to interact with people - it's part of my job. Outside of that, outside of my friends and family , I really am shy.

Which is probably why I talk to myself in here. In way it's good because, no one gets to read it. :D

The word "flirt" flies below my vocabulary radar so imagine my surprise when a customer at work said to me in a nice way, " Stop flirting with me." Thank goodness it was all on the phone so he couldn't see my surprised look but I managed to to laugh and continue on with business.

I mean, I must've flirted unknowingly. Wait, I take that back, I did flirt in the past but it was all fake flirting. I wasn't remotely attracted to them but I find amusement in these men's reactions. But it doesn't come naturally for me. Gosh I suck at this. No wonder I don't have a boyfriend hahahaha :)

Saint Rafael, the Arch Angel - can you please pray for me? Can you please pray that I find that Nice Guy.

Something Red, white and blue

There was a reason for wearing this at Work for almost 1 week, and it was encouraged by The Company and so I did.

I've always liked these colors together.

I'm not a fashionista..

Because maybe 2 days out of the whole month, I dress fairly decently, the rest I just try to look presentable.

But that doesn't stop me from being a fan of the creativity of the art of fashion. New York's Fashion Week for Spring 2011 has just ended and today starts Paris Fashion Week for Spring 2011 and it will run from September 28th thru October 6th.

I can only watch as an online spectator when they finally upload the photos online.

Beware of Feederism

I first heard about this a few months ago and I have to look it up. It's a fetish where one gets a sexual arousal by feeding a fat person. There is a feede and a feeder. It's odd to say the least and quite frankly, disturbing.

I love to eat but in my own terms. I don't want to be forced to eat more than I want to especially for the sexual gratification of another person. I don't associate that with sex and intimacy at all.

This a scary thought because those who has this fetish keeps it hidden below the surface. What does that mean to a plus size woman who is out in the awkward and unforgiving dating world?

What if these feederism fetish people disguise themselves as someone who prefers fat women over skinny women and "preys" on a fat woman into thinking he likes her for who she is but only to reel her into his feederism fantasy? What are the signs? How can you spot one? It is probably hard to spot one on a first-impression basis but once that red flag is raised, be ready to run away.

Obviously they do not want to be with you because they do not want to get to know what a great person you are. These people has no respect for you and the choices you want to make because they will force what they want upon you. These people do not love you. These people are only in on it, to satiate a fantasy. Love yourself, run away before it's too late - before feelings grow and an illusion of love and romance are spun around you.

 There are those who are obviously into and what they do is their business. I am merely stating my opinion and I may offend feede and feeders alike but I am exercising my right to have a position on this. Just because I'm fat doesn't mean I'm into that.

Thank you Onestopplus

So New York Fashion week has come and gone but I can still feel the aftershocks of the bold move of online plus size store Onestopplus. They presented a fashion show showcasing pieces on a plus size body - hurraaay! :)

As much as a I want to post photos of the show here, I really am not sure if I should, so instead, I will be providing the link:

Photos from Onestoplus NY Fashion Week

It's a step in the right direction. It also makes profitable sense for companies to explore the plus sized market.

Just because we're not a size 00 doesn't mean we don't want to wear nice clothes. So onestopplus - you are my hero :) Thank you.

On fat - first off, I'm not here to talk about an unhealthy lifestyle.

I've been fat since I was a toddler. The baby fat never left my body and it carried over into a roly-poly elementary schooler, overly-insecure highschooler, wanting-to-change-my-body college student and now as a you-know-I-support-great-health-at-any-size semi-adult. I say semi-adult because I still feel that I am light years away from maturity.

The blog title Lumbalumbalicious - not that original since Destiny's Child's bootylicious seem to take on a very nice adjective. Lumba-lumba is another Tagalog word for fat.

What was it like for a Filipina kid growing up in a culture where beauty pegeantry in schools and on television are quite t ypical? I actually enjoyed it as a spectator. Did it make me want to be like them as they walk up the stage? No not really.

I was harrassed though - from kids in our neighborhoods to bystanders. All I have to do is to walk past them and they would start to hold on to things (you know like there's an earthquake) and say " There's an earthquake." Get it? I'm so fat, the earth rumbles at my every step yeah ha-ha.

They thought it was funny. I wasn't laughing. Pretty soon it became just a way of life. But looking back at it now, I now know that I deserve the same respect as any other person who walked past them.

So I made this blog to somehow let the words out of my head so that it will start to heal my scabbed-up heart. Those hurtful words and behaviour -they can take a toll you. I put on a brave hard-as-iron face, but it succumbs to rust.

My life isn't so bad though. I have now learned to appreciate myself and most importantly - to love myself. From my double-chin, my keloid scar, my thick thighs,big belly to my paddle feet. Being and staying healthy at any size - wouldn't that be a paradigm shift? That will be something that I can look forward to everyday.